littlesilentnotes

Divine friends

2011-02-23T17:33:00.000+08:00

Live a headless life

2011-02-23T14:30:00.002+08:00

Be aware of your wound. Don't help it to grow, let it be healed; and it will be healed only when you move to the roots. The less the head, the more the wound will heal; with no head there is no wound. Live a headless life. Move as a total being, and accept things.

Just for twenty-four hours, try it - total acceptance, whatsoever happens. Someone insults you, accept it; don't react, and see what happens. Suddenly you will feel an energy flowing in you that you have not felt before.

-- Osho http://www.ijourney.org/index.php?tid=248

Learning curve

2011-02-20T05:50:00.000+08:00

Some things that I thought I should learn

1. To be kinder to myself and others

2. To live & love in its totality

3. To let thoughts pass..Thoughts are not necessary the true of me..so dont be affected by it.

4. To let go of expectation for myself and from myself for others because life is a wonder, a mystery..so why limit it in a box of expectations

5. To accept myself and my emotions and let it pass as it comes. I'm a human after all.

I love Ukulele

2011-02-15T10:18:00.002+08:00

I love how he play the ukulele and what he said at the beginning of the video... "what the world needs now is a ukulele...it's an instrument of peace" i believe this is so too!!! it's such a happy instrument! I was so feeling so touched watching this in the train just now and found myself smiling away looking at his performance. He's so at one with the instrument, the music, the strings, the humanity...so relaxed.. so at ease bringing peace to the world:)

lapse

2011-02-03T02:52:00.000+08:00

it's weird that something stuck in me for years and I can't seem to get rid of it. This is not me and shouldn't have be. Fear is the word. And memories as good as it get sometimes... bad memories are just like landmines buried in deep sands where we trotted our ways through. It just explodes without warning sometimes.

Things that I almost forgotten why I don't do or rather scare of doing: Writing date, signing off on my writing and drawing, remembering someone's phone number, remembering moments, keeping anything that could remind of anything or anyone, be totally trusting, going with the flow, believing in fate or synchronicity...

I see images, part of me lapse into the past...I cant differentiate what is good or bad for me.. I cant differentiate what to believe and what not..

God is in our middle

2011-01-25T01:01:00.000+08:00

Love not you or me. Let love be us and we..Love not what you need or want. But just let our beings be as one.
Love is the flower we let blossom in our hearts.
Love is when we feel god is living in our middle..
Guiding us with its path of light from the sun..
as the blue birds smile and dance:)

Love this morning

2011-01-24T09:56:00.001+08:00

It's an ordinary morning but extraordinary moment:)

Georgia Horse riding adventure

2011-01-18T09:58:00.000+08:00

http://www.guardian.co.uk/travel/audioslideshow/2011/jan/07/georgia-horseriding-adventure

circles

2011-01-11T02:10:00.000+08:00

Sometimes life just have to make you go in circles just to realize who you really are inside..and how you really want to live..

For the first time

2011-01-07T02:24:00.000+08:00

This makes me melt and slip into a reverie....miss those school days sometimes.. those times when I dare to believe, have much greater courage for love... and no idea of right and wrong...

Love classics

2011-01-07T02:21:00.000+08:00

Was looking for a song and found this in one of the oldies love song album I have.. reminds me how "romantic" person I can be sometimes.. and how long I have deny myself from really listening to love songs..deeming it as fairytale... Classics are still the best! Because love is simply that simple!

Mister God This is Anna

2011-01-07T00:48:00.000+08:00

Bring me for a ride

Beautiful Tree

White Flower

2011-01-07T00:44:00.000+08:00

Blossom

Walking on a dream

2011-01-05T15:59:00.002+08:00

Aurora Borealis

2011-01-05T11:45:00.000+08:00

http://www.fubiz.net/2010/12/03/aurora-borealis-timelapse/

Random pictures

2011-01-05T02:51:00.001+08:00

reflections

Evening sky

Circles and coincidences

2011-01-05T02:46:00.000+08:00

Circles or coincidences

random walk

2011-01-02T04:02:00.000+08:00

Just like the Wild Horses

2010-12-31T15:37:00.000+08:00

This song kind of suit my mood this very moment... and yea! I wanna ride bare back, carefree and yea I wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to...

Wild Horses - Natasha Bedingfield
I feel these 4 walls closing in
My face up against the glass
I'm looking out... hmm
Is this my life I'm wondering
It happened so fast
How do I turn this thing around
Is this the bed I chose to make
Its greener pastures I'm thinking about hmm
Wide open spaces far away

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared

[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
Run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!
Oh yeah yea

I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bare back, care free along the shore
If only that someone was me
Jumping head first headlong without a thought
To act and damn the consequence
How I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared
Hoohhh woah woah

[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!
Oh yeah yea

I wanna run too.
Hohhh woah oh woah oh

Breaklessly abandoning my self before you

I wanna open up my heart tell him how I feel

[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses! [X2]
Hooaah woah oh woah
Yeah

I wanna run with the wild horses

In harmony

2010-12-30T11:19:00.000+08:00

This brings one through forms, shapes, objects, architectures, lights, shadow, plains... makes me feel we are inevitably integrating us with nature and it's generous of mother nature to share with us its beauty and allow us to build on it..live with it..let us use it as a canvas to unleash the hidden art from each of us..and that it's our responsibility to remember her beauty, work in harmony with her and take good care of her. This reminds us of living and breathing. Everything is momentary, but there is such beautiful eternity in each moment.

Self indulgence

2010-12-30T01:35:00.000+08:00

Guess I'm in a self indulgence week. Following my heart.. giving it a chance to be free...

I want to live in this

2010-12-29T10:20:00.000+08:00

I want to live in a house like this...embrace by the nature

wake up by the sun and sea

Sitting by a fireplace

watching rain slipping down the glass

coziness with the night

liquor choc

2010-12-29T01:09:00.000+08:00

xmas present from phyllis! liquor choc!

Morning fairy walk

2010-12-29T01:04:00.000+08:00

Natasha Bedingfield

2010-12-29T00:57:00.000+08:00

Chance upon this song... and just cant stop repeating it.

Dina Fanai

2010-12-28T21:56:00.002+08:00

Get to know Dina Fanai while watching Dave Eggar's live performance on youtube..and I just fall in love with her voice and energy in each words she sing. It's beautiful.

http://www.myspace.com/dinafanai

Sleeping Claw ring

2010-12-28T17:56:00.000+08:00

sleeping claw

http://www.oaknyc.com/women/w-shop-by-brand/aoi-kotsuhiroi/sleeping-claws-ring.html

looks

2010-12-28T17:38:00.000+08:00

Random pictures that I fall in love with

2010-12-28T14:08:00.000+08:00

random

2010-12-28T13:47:00.002+08:00

Some things to motivate me for the new year:

1. Create a collection of tees, tanktops with spilled ink.. collection name: FreeFlow/ GowiththeFlow
2. Paper cutting
3. Start painting
4. Writing
5. Gather and consolidate

in for the kill

2010-12-27T11:21:00.000+08:00

I'm simply loving this.. so much.. there is always something light in someone..no matter how strong they may look.. this is how I feel when watching this...

Artemis

2010-12-26T01:35:00.000+08:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/killomaster/2542627106/in/pool-photomanipulation#/photos/killomaster/2542627106/in/pool-77522759@N00/

http://nineplanets.org/luna.html

My latest adventure....and wonders.. Artemis

Remember to enjoy joy

2010-12-26T00:43:00.000+08:00

How many of us remember to enjoy joy from our hearts..

Live with awareness, Joy is in moments as simple as licking honey while watching bees smiling...

Night lights

2010-12-26T00:25:00.001+08:00

love night quiet walk...

Sun and birds

2010-12-26T00:22:00.000+08:00

beautiful sun and birds bathing in it

Lights and reflections

2010-12-26T00:06:00.000+08:00

It's pouring tonight. But somehow it suits my state of mind pretty well and so I just immerse myself in the rain.. I love taking picture of rain and its reflection under those lights which I think it's a pity that people are missing it as they hurried their ways to shelter. The beauty of rain, lights, shadows, reflections.. it's simply beyond words. Listening to "Follow me to the sun" the beats are getting really high on me! I have the urge of dancing in the rain with my arms open in this music! There is no simpler way to enjoy joy than this! It washes away the mind...

So let's talk about my love:
Rain and the sun
Clouds and the wind
Moon and the stars
Music from the tribes, cello, violin, drums
Drum beats
Heart beats
Smiles
Being in resonance
Dancing in trance
Lights, shadow and reflections
Morning and night walks
Birds, the scent of morning dew
Butterflies thrill me (they are alittle like fairies)
Flower tea
Spontaneity and manifestation
Flowers in the wild
Love

with so much love..

2010-12-25T23:28:00.000+08:00

beautiful song... Kingston Morning - Dave eggar

Every point of life.. there lives different music to get me through... and here I guess I found this for this moment... It lift me up like an angel and let me appreciate this beauty with so much love. And this makes me feel I'm not the only one...and that means alot.

This is what love should be

2010-12-25T23:21:00.000+08:00

randomness

2010-12-25T00:53:00.000+08:00

"What would I say to God today..when only seconds separate me from my last days " - Blackwater Song

illuminated poetry

2010-12-24T13:22:00.000+08:00

http://luzinterruptus1.blogspot.com/2010/12/poesia-iluminada.html

My drug

2010-12-22T11:09:00.000+08:00

Night reflections

2010-12-22T02:01:00.001+08:00

Took these while walking home earlier in the evening... always wanted to do a series of photos like this..

Nao Watanabe

2010-12-22T01:53:00.001+08:00

Really charming voice.. I'm totally flowing with her listening to this... her expression reminds me of what I set out to do... and how much I wanted to touch someone's heart with my heart in doing so...

Sunrise

2010-12-22T01:29:00.000+08:00

The sky beyond

2010-12-22T01:24:00.001+08:00

Wonder how it feels like to fly and glide

Sometimes I wish I'm the bird on the roof

Tears fill my heart

2010-12-22T00:34:00.000+08:00

Enchanted by this music.. it's simply beautiful.. Haven't feel so much at peace for a while:) This just makes me smile...and dance in my heart.. Never mind where I'm... Gone are the thoughts and the mind. I'm just happy this way right now. Nothing else matters.. Tears fill my heart. It's not joy. It's not sadness. It's nothing..nothing at all. I hear my heart beats dancing. And once again my heart smile:)

Hole in the sky

2010-12-21T23:49:00.004+08:00

Hole in the sky

Brimming with the warm light of sun

rising above the clouds

as the tiny being spread its wings

to reach godliness of mother earth

Silence from within

2010-12-20T17:52:00.003+08:00

Meeting

Is this
A chance
First meeting
Or have we known
Each other somewhere before
Are you the silence from within
The love of my core

~silent lotus

This is beautiful.. are you the silence from within! wow! I always think there is this silence lies within... that one will see and feel if no mind intrudes..just pure heart...and there lives love.

feel good picture of the day

2010-12-20T14:23:00.002+08:00

sometimes....

2010-12-20T10:40:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder who I am..and what to make out of it if I'm just being me and nobody.

Sometimes heighten awareness freaks me out utterly.

Dunhill Christ Dent

2010-12-17T16:39:00.000+08:00

Steve Aoki Mix

2010-12-17T12:39:00.000+08:00

In a dancing mood this moment... if only I have good cold beer or vodka now

Hypnotise you

2010-12-17T12:21:00.000+08:00

This tune certainly get me drifting with it.. and cant resist dancing swaying with the beats...

Secret garden

2010-12-14T23:31:00.001+08:00

in the wild

2010-12-14T23:30:00.000+08:00

it's good to be mad

2010-12-11T00:29:00.000+08:00

Moment that make me laugh my head off!

Stone or Art

2010-12-11T00:27:00.000+08:00

Good to be lost

2010-12-07T23:13:00.000+08:00

Lost in the sky

Above

Sometimes it's good to be lost in wonder

Spinning on

2010-12-07T16:03:00.000+08:00

Finally something to stir up my mood and vibe again! I need this to get through the "Love" Bubble.. spin on...

Random love

2010-12-07T01:00:00.000+08:00

Cant wait to watch this:D

Cheese balls mania! Classic! Vintage

Froggy brainy

2010-12-07T00:57:00.001+08:00

Frooggy brain.. Was given this yesterday. And now im fascinated by it... somehow..

So what about LOVE

2010-12-07T00:32:00.002+08:00

So what about love.
Doing a project on love. Found these beautiful images while browsing for ideas..

So... love is or should be....

1. Intense
2. Intimate
3. Happy
4. Open
5. Freedom
6. Warm
7. Magical
8. Fantasy
9. Fun
10. Luxury....

random thoughts...while conceptualizing

Nature is a wonder

2010-12-03T13:39:00.001+08:00

Joy and happiness

2010-12-02T13:07:00.000+08:00

Having an incredible morning and i just can't wait to share of my delight. First, I watch a movie about letting go which from it, incredibly even though this is not the first time my encounter of such movie or topic..but today I'm with it, I'm flowing with it and maybe it's the time, maybe its all I been struggling for; my heart open.

And here's a few things I feel and learn:

- I don't need to answer to anyone, I don't need to live anyone's expectation.
- I don't need to go anywhere, do anything to be myself, I'm indeed a being. A complete one by itself.
- I don't need to make things perfect. Perfection is just a concept, but each moment is real and each moment is whole by itself.
- The belief that I can control things is not real. It's just my act of fear.
- It's not because there is no connection. But because I'm separating myself from connection as a result of my fear of attachment. But yet I'm attached to being separated.
- I don't need to be a part of anything or anyone, because me myself is a whole. And everyone him/herself is a whole.
- There's no separate me whom want to be somewhere else. Because happiness is here. Joy is now.
- I don't need to feel guilty for being me. Because I'm complete. I don't have to be perfect because there is no such things as perfection.
- I'm already enough. I'm already home. I'm already complete. All it's well.
- I feel the love for myself finally.
- Let go and let it manifests.
- Gain more with less efforts.
- Nothing has to change. Just being what you are.
- Accept my emotions. But I'm not my emotions. All things will pass.

This is a priceless insight I gain this morning. I love you. For whom and all who show me love and support and faith.

oh and second;

I receive an email with these written in it that touches my heart so much beyond words...

"To me..
I always believe that..
Action City is always a place for love, sharing and fun..

Christmas is always a sharing event..
...Sharing with our love and friends..
And more..

I like this gift idea, because it is specail..
A gift crafted to express my heartfelt thoughts..
This is very true..

The catalogue is made really like how a Christmas should be..
The heart represents: love and joy
The Star represents: Wishes
The cakes and candies represents: Sharing

This Catalogue is beautifully created..
If I were to get this, I will give it to my fiance, who had faithfully stay with me these years..

I love Action City too! ^_^
Ps. I hope I can get it!"

Children of the Garden

2010-12-02T03:28:00.000+08:00

Hatched Cafe @ Evans Lodge

2010-12-02T03:23:00.000+08:00

Hermie

2010-12-02T02:38:00.000+08:00

Just had a long deep chat with Hermie. I'm gonna so miss him. I'm really thankful for him being around, talk and listen to me patiently when I'm feeling upside down like a roller coaster. And funnily, he's always there to remind me not to be too harsh on myself. (I probably seems or am somewhat like a self destruction machine at times) I'm thankful beyond words. His metaphorical statements always surprise and amuse me at the same time. And hit right through me just like that. It's been a long time since we had such late night supper and hearty chat. Someone who seen my most depressed state and caught me when I'm sky high. I miss hopping in the dance floor with him while he frantically trying to calm me down. I'm thankful that he is there to catch hold of me when I just faint for no reason. I'm grateful for those hugs to assure me things are going alright and I shouldn't be so harsh on myself. I'm thankful that he's not being terrified by my disastrous way of handling things with my erratic emotions, like throwing beer bottles at walkway, flipping table upside down, trying to tear down fences like a mad woman. Most of all, I'm thankful that he loves and accepts me for who I'm and me just being myself. Hence to him, who says that I'm a tough cookie, I want to say that thanks for being around and I probably wont be able to be as tough if without his support in my life. Thank you. Looking through photos.. and realise we have so few pictures taken together nowadays. And thought I should just document the rare few here. I been saying lots of thank you to people nowadays...because I just feel so. I really appreciate. And I didn't want to miss out not saying when my heart feels so..

@ Hatched cafe

Some picture from long long ago

caught me tired after work...

being there carrying my babies during the crazy period of xmas

being there to help out @ my videoshoot

doing manicure together! (reminds me of white chick)


editing picture while me doing my manicure!

Landscape

2010-12-01T12:11:00.000+08:00

The pleasure instinct

2010-12-01T03:15:00.001+08:00

I'm getting so excited reading this book about pleasure instinct. The caffeine I took just now probably multiplies the effect. Very interesting point of views, analysis and explorations. I don't know why I'm so fascinated and high about this. Maybe just like what the books says, it triggers something in my brain.. something that my desire to be an explorer, to know more about human and the world. I never thought of myself as an explorer. But this moment, I do.

And jeez.. I'm actually drawing mind maps, plotting down words at this wee hour and feeling exuberantly high. (I visualize a mad scientist at work, except that I don't have the luxury of a wide big blackboard). So .... these are what i plotted down.. just thought i should document it somewhere..before i reach the destination of my thought process.

Design = Language = symbol = meaning = subjective.
Language vs Meaning
Language not equivalent to meaning
Language is a plain form of subjective expression.

Why is it that most people would say that they don't understand design or arts. Because they see design as a language/ a lingo. And designers fail to break away from the boundary that this "language" brings... instead most see it as a trend, as an object of desire for people. Hence they create based on that "design language" where a particular shape attracts, a particular color speaks of certain symbolism. But doing this, designers set a trap for themselves. They are unable to invent breakthrough designs. Because they follow the "language" that they are taught perhaps or based on their experiences. There is a new trend of design that claims to create by observing human behavior. I thought it was amazing and really thoughtful. But not for long, it seems everyone is speaking of the same thing, observing the same behaviors and creating the same designs that seems to caters to the same function. I start to ponder. Behaviors are repetitive and most of them are habitual. Hence, by observing this is not enough. It will just brings everyone in circle. It's tough to strike a breakthrough. Perhaps why there are so many patents each year, but so few invention occurs.

Doing what people wants can be based on the "common language", but "wants" can be easily eliminated by competitions.
Doing what people needs is based beyond speaking the "same language", it's the connection that snaps. And that creates the niche.

some excerpts from the book:

"Happiness is a Norman Rockwell painting hanging over your fireplace on a cold winter's eve. Pleasure is the warmth and aesthetic beauty of the flames, the heat beating on your skin."

"Thus, even if we successfully decode an animal's sounds, we would not truly understand them because language is but a mirror of reality rather than the genuine object, and an animal's reality, as the argument goes, is too far removed from its own."

"Language is the finger pointing at the moon, not the moon itself."

Thank you

2010-11-30T19:05:00.000+08:00

Just finished watching this DVD.. titled "Penguins in the sky" - Asahiyama Zoo. A very meaningful show.. I'm glad I watched it. Strangely, it makes me realise why do I want to take a break at this point of time..I know I need it, but didnt know how to explain it thoroughly. But after watching this, I finally understand the reason. I need to revive, need to regain the energy.. need to see things in a beautiful way. And most of all, I need to share my love, let it radiate. And I can't do that if I'm not feeling it. I love the theme song of this beautiful show "I want to dream" (a japanese song which sadly I cant find it anywhere) It reminds me of dream, aspiration, energy and most of all, of Love. I cant help but to think of where I work while watching this. All the beautiful people in here, all with faith to make it happen. And occasionally, there are those who dropped out along the way or those who feel little discouraged..including myself, but its little thing that happen that give us the lift. Just like how they regain confidence and hope when a little boy passed the zookeeper his piggy bank and ask them to keep the zoo. Its really a touching moment. A moment that reminds us that somehow, someday, all of us needed a lift. And I'm thankful I received that "lift" - a really special gift from many around me. Thank you:)

Shugo Tokumaru

2010-11-30T16:14:00.000+08:00

A dream comes true

2010-11-30T16:09:00.002+08:00

Wish this is my room:)

cross my fingers these are still intact ;p

Finally I manage to do what I had in mind for mor mor shawl

Cozy corner for people to take WACKY picture with the accessories provided

It always feels good to see a crowd around..

Happy to see colleague willing to dress so funkily

Learning to be Couch Potato

2010-11-30T15:52:00.001+08:00

Finally I'm on leave (for myself). Very much appreciating my boss who being so understanding to grant me my break at this period of time. And I guess that's a great Breakthrough too! First time in 5 years enjoying leave in Dec!

Its more like a refreshing period to catch up on my emotion, passion so I could dive into designing the next series of things for valentine day. So I need to feel Love again! Work never feel really like work! (Pros and Cons) to this..

Pros: It's exciting! And good flow of love following the heart.
Cons: Didn get to do alot more stuffs, crafts, reading, writing that I would love to do too.

anyhow... I didnt plan for my week of precious leave.. but I have a stack of books to read.. Frame magazine for design inspiration, book on happiness for enriching moments..books on Paris, Sweden designs..Oh and not forgetting I have stack of dvds to watch! So finally I can learn to be a couch potato! (I find it so hard to glue my butt in front of the TV) Indeed, I'm super restless!

Day1 of my week: err.. went back to stores to finish up display. do a little reading at Mcdonald (not my fav mac tho), so after a hour, I went to library...and lost in there for don't know how long.....and dinner! Time passes real fast when you are enjoying..And set up a blog for roco & lomo (not sure if I have the perseverance to upload pictures of them frequently though)

Day2 of my week: pack my table, mop the floor, stack my books, trying to find a place to house them.. change a layout for this blog. Browse a few of my fav blogs and have a new crush on bellefleurdelis blog ^_^ Garden & plants & flowers! My favorite!

Stocking up for hibernation

Dust in the wind

2010-11-14T09:33:00.005+08:00

Roco n me

2010-11-02T05:08:00.000+08:00

Roco gets her new dress finally. It's wee hour of the morning.. I woke up or perhaps I didnt really sleep at all.. to wake my computer up from its sleepy mode. Did some works. And somehow I just feel that I needed something to speak to my heart. So I decided to take a peek at one of my favourite blog which I hasnt visit for a long time. The top entry of blog actually said she's closing the blog since the little princess has kind of grown up and mama is facing all the rush of lil iza's homework time. Though not totally surprised, but still felt a bit sad that such nice blog is closing. It used to be my "spiritual support". I will take a peek now n then to remind myself of my deepest me. Oh well, all is good. I decided to post something nice here just to remind myself all that I'm facing is just a phrase. And it will all be over. And I been consciously reminding myself of what a friend said to me. "smile each time I'm feeling upside down, for that will turn a frown into a smile". Nice one:)

crazy random

2010-10-28T00:03:00.000+08:00

listening to faithless

my heart is dancing to its beats.

I must be dreaming

Cos' I have no idea

who am i..

why am i here..

I look at the monster

shout and scream

for it to leave

but it lingers

around and round

to take my hands with it

I close my eyes

praying everything is just

part of a fiction

I have not been feeling as creative

as this moment of daziness

where clouds evaporates

in a matter of seconds

and moon flew past

as the clock strike twelve

there is nothing to dwell

just me and the monster

we hug and cuddle

under this sheet of the darken sky

updates

2010-10-17T00:03:00.000+08:00

havent been updating anything here.. well to choose time for my life and writing blog for some virtual updates.. guess life is too precious to spend talking to virtual space. Though of course I appreciate this space for some rambling after some ups and downs.

so... what's been up..a japan trip which i very much want to upload some pictures.. but havent get the time.. followed by china trip for work of course.. kind of a crazy one! to think that for the first time of my life, I was detained by the custom officer in china airport for ...... well a cooling gel mat sample! And well my luggage broke...my lil pinkie bearbrick is gone! Stay in different place each night! And each morning wondering where Im going to stay at night. Despite not being the first time, but still guess its a woman's instinct that requires somewhere safe and feel at least alittle like home. On a lighter note, I kind of overcome that awkwardness I felt in the spa area in gz. I can walked and take a bathe with just a towel wrapped around without feeling weird. So guess, its my tiny step of getting used to it.

And in short, after coming back.. I been in an active mode. repair my luggage. And thanks for last min cancelling of my trip to gz, I manage to catch up with some old friends. Went for sun tanning at the beach with a friend and well i really miss her, miss her craziness, miss working with her. I feel young and wild again when she's around because she is always so bold and bubbly. And then met up with another friend who prepared food for our lil picnic at the beach. Being fed with organic soya mushroom soup..feels nice to be pampered. hehe thought i sure look retard to be fed at this age. haha.. I love being at the beach.. tho i wish i could at least know how to swim alittle to make it more "perfect?" hehe

So what's next.. Im leaving for indonesia... somewhere which i not sure exactly where except for the last two days at bali.. Though the thought of having to be alittle pretentious infront of those unfamiliar people who are kind of obsess with the "cult", makes me feel uneasy.. but still I do interested in cultures exploring so guess i just have to make do with sharing a room with someone im unfamiliar with.

so so so... looking forward to coming back n finish off all works actually! don't like to be moving around and keep having so much work hovering in mind!

how much do i love myself

2010-09-03T00:59:00.003+08:00

"How much do I love myself?" - a question a friend posted in an email. I wasn't exactly at the best state of mind when I saw this email. And it kind of remind me that I'm just a human after all and that I shouldn't be so harsh on myself for things that I think I didn't accomplish well enough.

So how much do I love myself? Well I have no clear answer. Perhaps at times, I forget about myself as I'm too caught up in meeting my expectation of life and chasing bunnies. I love myself.

In an attempt to clear my mind, I wrote two goals in my iphone this morning to remind me what I want to do and set out to do.

1. To design products that are genuinely for people. Inspire people to give themselves a chance to experience the joy of giving.

2. To set up a platform that (brings dreams into reality). Enable individuals or companies to make a statement, leave a mark in life and mind of people through experiential design.

This is what keeps me going. And I just have to remember this every morning.

moments

2010-08-21T21:13:00.004+08:00

Things that have yet accomplished:

1. have yet to see ac through to another level.
2. have yet to tour europe
3. have yet to do a painting
4. have yet gotten my degree/master...
5. have yet to explore more challenges and exposure
6. have yet set up my own consulting firm
7. have yet have enough to get myself off the rat race

Things that have accomplished:

1. have grow beyond just a graphic designer into doing products
2. have both dip in marketing and design
3. have learnt to see design in a business perspective
4. have done alot alot of other things include, photography, copywriting, videoshooting, designing, display n etc...
5. have built a strong bonding with people around

Well I'm enjoying these few days of leave.. and frankly speaking though a little guilty, I havent spent any amount of time thinking about product. But I just been enjoying the process of reconnecting with myself and think apart from the lovely company that I'm with. Too much of some things is addictive and to an extent blur the vision u have for yourself. I thought through what I had experienced through and achieved this five years in the company... well I see it changes, changing to better, both bosses becoming more and more heartfelt and true in following their hearts. The biggest thing that make me stay on till now. We began developing own products, though not many really succeeded due to various reasons. Main barrier is the fact just the same like changing someone whom character has somewhat been locked down. Not impossible, just taking more time and patience.

Came across a website which kind of make me think when can i move on from here.. Am i really into designing products? Frankly, not really. Not when I'm faced with such limited resources and have to make do with china quality. I love developing, conceptualizing products and I believe in the potential this company would have. But I just feel that I needed something more exciting, something that can propel me to a different level to give me a greater sense of satisfaction and achievement.

Guess the reason for running away from office this week is plainly because I'm feeling myself gone stale with so much little things that I would naturally get myself involved because I have a gut feel of how exactly it should be. Just like how I get irritated by the inefficiency of merchandising. Why cant somebody take charge and responsibility to want to do it well and proper and not just a job to finish. Simple thing like purchasing a prop for photo-shoot, I have to make sure someone gets it so that the shoot can be done. Jeez. I'm in here long enough to gone through the sweat of getting things done. These little things shouldnt be of my worries isnt it? My heart aches and sighs each time I see my products being misplace with no respect, seeing how reality is so different from what I pictured in my mind. I wanted it to be classy, up market. And I think I strive to achieve that through product material and packaging but when it rolled out to the stores, it more wet market style than up market. I'm disappointed to an extent I just want to run away and deny that those are my creations.

So which makes me think I see a big hole. And that hole is sucking away too much of my energy because its not filled up. To mend a hole takes time. Given my character, it's either I knock off the hole totally, make it into something else. Or simply get something that fit the hole just nice to fix it. And not trying to get something to fix it with holes still around.

Anyway, this is just my rumbling, my moment of feeling alittle upside down. I want to be an achiever and not some fixer. It's really LOVE that pulls me together at time like this. Those smiles and laughter and tears through that 5 years that give me energy to just type out my moment here and the put it aside and start thinking about what product to produce and how to convey our vision.

So at times I do need someone to tell me LOVE would sustain and propel everything to another level just to reaffirm my beliefs eh.

leave list

2010-08-19T00:04:00.003+08:00

Yeah finally got my long awaited leave. Just feel that I need some time to be away from office and the company for awhile in order to recharge myself and perhaps to simply stop being so hyper. Have been feeling lethargic and blank in terms of design. I losing the feel of things and design.. and this is bad. So when i heard "big brother" gonna be away for a week, I jumped to get him sign my leave form.

I need to be in touch with my surrounding instead of just being swept along.

Guess i have to make plans for these 5 precious day of leaves.

1. Clear some teeny bitsy pieces of work by morning.
2. Read some books that been piling up on my desk.
3. Visit dentist
4. Go for massage!
5. Mind mapping
6. Brainstorming
7. Sleep late / Sleep early
8. Wake up naturally without the alarm or the birds screaming into my ears.
9. Breakfast with a book
10. Conceptualize ideas for giving
11. Prepare birthday presents (just realize I have so many friends birthday during this period)
12. Conceptualize store image based on giving in the city
13. maybe even do alittle cooking (olive rice?!)
14. Meet some old friends for tea?

etc... etc....

List not in order so we shall see...

my other FAMILY

2010-08-15T02:11:00.002+08:00

Bonding takes time and to build a family takes more than time. It takes a lot of love and care to nurture the family. I'm really glad to be working with a group of people that makes me feel that I'm well taken care of, that everyone will stand together in times of needs. Small but mighty family of LOVE n JOY! And just like what I always tell my friends, over here, I seems to have many big brothers whom i will take care of me or whom I can get advices from. I love you all! Thank you!

self

2010-08-15T01:59:00.002+08:00

Somehow I like this picture of myself! haha in a narcissist mood.. Well self admiration boost confidence eh! haha It's been a gd seemingly fulfilling day of walking and spending good time appreciating someone. Though at the back of my mind, I'm seriously worried about what products am I gona do for xmas and trying to get some feel of inspiration. But Im blank! Guess need some time off away from office to feel and design instead of guilt bound when I'm producing almost nothing in the office.

Love

2010-08-12T01:27:00.000+08:00

my hate vs LOVE list

2010-08-11T23:35:00.007+08:00

Yeah I should be happy! I'm in somewhat upside down manner. Yeah I'm. And I would love to jump up n down, kick some bottles on the sidewalks, swear some words at some boring strangers. And scream I love you into the air and break the dead silence. Take off the jacket! Go for a spin! oh hell yeah! thats jeanine.

my hate, Love LIST! like, DISLIKES

I hate people who don't bother to pronounce my name correctly! I hate people who complain too much, do too little. I hate people who breathe but say the world is not worth living. Its a waste of air! If its not worth living, then don't breathe! I hate people who to disappear from me without saying. I hate categorizing friends. Friends are meant to be good! So why is there a need to label into normal, good, best!? hilarious! Things that people do. I hate people who promise but never kept to it! I hate to believe in leaving it to fate! If you know there is something call fate, then why do you let go instead of hold it in your hands.

I love people call my english name twice at a time with that warm endearing tone.

I love to live large! I love to be happy! I love everyone around me to be happy and smiling. I love that one person who appreciate me like no one did! I love that one person who tolerate my extremist characters, bring me cute toys n let me go crazy with it! I love big warm bear hugs! I love passionate long french kiss! I love that one person whom probably at times, not sure what my mind is working on, but still care for me so delicately! I don't like writing love letters! But I love writing for love! with love! I love how silly and innocent the person is despite his big and stoic look. I love little flowers! Don't quite like sunflowers, but it smiles. So well I like smiles! Smile is contagious! I love how that one person smile when I did some silly things! I love how that one person cook for me even though it's just instant noodle in instant soup. I love snuggles! I love how I know that one person will be there for me if situation allows. I love how that one person gives me freedom and space for my imagination. I love how I melt each time I see that one person so engross looking at rabbits with so much love and warmth in the eyes! I love to be melted and heated and melted again! I don't like drama, but I love how each moment of our life becomes an episode of our story! I love sunshine! and how the warmth of the sun wakes me up in the morning when birds are chirping. I love breakfast with that one person, cycling along the beach, embracing the breeze and warmth. I love how the one person turn around and say I love you! I love how I can get upside down, tossing around, standing straight up and speed running against the wind. I love to love. I love to be loved. There is no such things as to which is better.

I love how that one person so sweetly imagine so many ways of proposal but resort to such a cute gesture of presenting me with little cute bunnies dressed in gown and suit, standing in a toy church! I love how that one person so excitedly taking pictures of these little new friends while I'm soaking in on how he so sweetly squeeze all these girl's toy into the camera bag! This is how I love this one person. And it's this one person who give me the courage to love. Thank you!

reddy and chickie

2010-08-05T01:19:00.001+08:00

roco met black monster

2010-08-05T01:13:00.000+08:00

roco met black monster

Glamb

2010-08-05T01:09:00.003+08:00

http://www.glamb.com/

I don't usually get attracted to guy's pictures.. but here's one irresistible site of brilliant styling of men fashion photography

DRUNK bearbrick

2010-08-04T01:22:00.000+08:00

the xX

2010-08-04T01:15:00.001+08:00

http://www.myspace.com/thexx

music love for the moment

little forest

2010-08-04T01:09:00.000+08:00

Little thing I love

2010-08-04T00:55:00.000+08:00

roco n me during the trip

2010-08-04T00:49:00.003+08:00

Some pictures taken during the GZ trip. Roco standing on my magazine while I'm trying to get some ideas on design..

Roco snuggling under the sheets in the hotel room..

Roco trying to help me search for reference for inspiration...

and of course.. me and my red and white shawl... * in an early xmas mood *

Love n Joy

2010-08-04T00:17:00.003+08:00

Am feeling quite lazy to update in here.. but just feel the need to note down some great roller coaster moments I have had. Had quite an interesting, strange day. Speaking of law of attraction.. it seems to be right in front of me to prove it right. spoke to someone who told me he love to help people.. and at the same moment an old friend came along and bring with him big bubble of positive energy..and another old old friend who's always so lovely n caring spoke to me, giving me encouragement to what I'm trying to achieve. It's all strange but good. I love it when all good energy comes together. Love shouldn't just be for oneself.. but for others too. That's where we would feel our life with a greater purpose and energy. of all these, somehow I was reminded of someone, an old friend whom I know will enjoy this vibe too but well I guess I can only wish he is being surrounded by positive bubbles at his side of the world too.

Just like what I said before.. some friends are meant to be kept quietly in a pocket at a corner of our hearts..wishing them well and good. Can't help to feel a little upset at this point when I thought of how people parted sometimes. But well I shall be contented to have lovely people around me far and near and in a company where I can regard as home..n colleagues and bosses whom i can regard as a family.

Sometimes I wish illustrate out my emotions.. bare out for people out there to see and feel. There is so much more I would love to share but just sometimes.. words will never be able to describe emotions fully...

pissed!

2010-07-25T23:23:00.002+08:00

So I'm leaving again.. And feeling edgy again..

I was pissed by the most trivial things such as not able to find my mini bottles of shower cream to pack into my luggage. And perhaps going to some unfamiliar place with no familiar team whom I can rely on.. I feel blank and perhaps just all pessimistic about the shoot. A project needs a good team to work on together. A design project needs more than a good team. It needs a special team with strong rapport and sense of aesthetic. And secretly.. I don't believe in training someone in terms of sense of aesthetic. Because it's nearly impossible to force someone to agree that something is nice when beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

Actually.. it's not the trivial thing that bothers me.. but they trigger my tolerance.. threshold.

Similarly at home.. I wish i could have a good team.. especially between siblings. I tried hard to provide..and uplift things.. But it just doesnt matter to my siblings.. They don't seems to care. They never asked how am I doing? and yet when im stressed and throw tantrum, they only think I'm crazy and unreasonable. But what is reasonable?

Being tolerance... telling someone to do things nicely.. giving encouragement.. motivation... but not appreciated. I need to scream on top of my voice to get things done. I can be warm.. but I have my limit. There is something that I hate most is being taken for granted. That's a good reason.

I don't expect people to do nice things for me.. but for goodness sake! get things done for themselves..

I'm envious of how working sisters could work together to bind the whole family together, be it spiritually, physically or in monetary terms. But here I'm doing 3 of that! And I have my own worries too. jeez! and here I get is what dumb attitude face from my sis when I SCREAM at her to tidy up her table.

Yes people would say no wonder why she didnt want to come home. I would say.. does she treat this as a home anyway?

I'm not always right.

2010-06-30T04:07:00.003+08:00

argh.. my head is in pain..

and my mind feels weak and scared.

what i think is right is right? am i really such a person? no. i don't know. everyone has their fear, so do i... and what do i do when i fear.. i hide. from self destruction. I'm not who i may seems to be.. i may seems blunt.. but its just mindless reaction upon situation that I have been kind of trained over the years to response fast and instinctively to circumstances.. yes. i'm trained. through the hard ways. and i have no intention to harm anyone with my words. it bothers me sometimes when im bring to attention of how my words could hurt. maybe i'm just stressed up.

it's not easy to be me. where have to handle emotions by the thread..and act on the go. I'm getting quite cold as much as I'm getting more emotional. Maybe exactly because I'm feeling heavily emotional, my subconscious self taken a hard, cold auto pilot mode to steer through the dark clouds in my head.

how does an extremist stay balance and be rational.. I wish all those osho, zen, buddha could help sometimes.. it helps..but only occasion when i'm able to stay in touch and in tune. And staying in touch has been a constant struggle lately. I gotta calm down. But time doesn't seems to allow. I need to get stoned... (not in the illegal way, but really stoned to "emptiness"..

I'm not always right. And I don't need to be always right..

Staying connected

2010-06-28T23:30:00.003+08:00

I have been crowding my blog space with too much texts and perhaps that tint of unhappiness. So thought I gotta pick myself up and say Smile while reading the usual sofawned blog that put a smile on my face. It always soothes my mood somehow or another. It feels like it's pulling me back to where I belongs. Simple, lively...life. Sometimes happiness is just being able to stay connected to ourselves and be true to our hearts.

Feisty Day

2010-06-28T23:12:00.003+08:00

Today is kind of a not so good day. The Monday was bright and sunny. I was enjoying my walk into the office listening to some piano music and with real birds chirping around me. It feels lovely. And the rawness of the tree bark captivates me. I can feel it under my skin. Oh and I was reading a book on muji design and what simplicity means. aww I wish I can spend the whole morning going with the flow, not having to answer to anyone. Just me and my thoughts. So I planned what I have to do today.

But things took a turn. Someone came to me and tell me about doing some temporary design and gave me that paranoia face. Jeez. I didn't like that. First, don't like mediocrity. It's either do and do it well or think of a best solution to work around resources right from the start. Second, i appreciate calmness. Paranoia face just make me feels pressurized and didn't want to comply to it. Well, I didn't know why I just can't stand this and how the person talked to me. It make me feel totally stressed up. And didn't want to do anything except continue my reading and indulge in my world of depth and exploration of design and life. And for the rest of the day..I feel really crappy. And make me even more keen in taking a week's leave to do work on my own, by my own, in my own world.

I'm a designer. I think I deserve to be in my own world sometimes.

I can't do designs in office. Generating ideas in office makes me feel stupid and inefficient. Moreover, there always feels like there is some surveillance camera watching my progress. I don't like to be told what to do exactly. Just form an objective and let me know at the right time. I will be responsive.

I'm glad that my volcano didn't erupt today though.

random

2010-06-26T01:38:00.003+08:00

I'm not here to compete.. I'm here to complete whatever i set out to do...

Money

2010-06-26T01:25:00.002+08:00

There are some people who troubled about money, but there are some people who depend on money to ease their burden..and cant wait to spend money in order to give them maybe a peace of mind for even just a split moment. But ironically, people who has maybe a little more money, seems to be always match with problems that cant really be solved by money. So should we say that the world is fair?

Guess nothing can be perfect and everyone has their moments. But the idealistic side of me is again hoping that there may be this day when people see money as simply just a piece of paper. Maybe that way people could be happier whether they have or don't have money.

everything seems fine...

2010-06-22T19:27:00.006+08:00

everything seems fine but somehow somewhere something seems missing.. maybe its a part of myself as i'm busy meeting objectives and filling gaps. I didn't know since when I became such result oriented person or maybe it's been always in me. Or maybe its because age seems to hurry you into making, achieving something by a certain deadline. Anyway, recently spoke to someone from long ago.. just a brief chat but it kinda remind me of how I was and how I have become. Yea, I seems to be on the right track, clearer of where I'm heading. Work is bubbly, exciting. Maybe somehow it has drawn me so much into it. It's addictive. Or is it just some cross road emotion stirring in a designer's life, especially when design thoughts don't stop after working hour. I'm really enjoying that kick of being totally absorb clearing projects. I became concern about results, performance. And maybe that's where fear kicks in and creeps on to me. And makes me think what am I if I'm not working here? What's my dream? Frankly, my dream now? seems to be meeting objective and making the company I'm working for up to next level.. to see its brand become internationally recognized and really meeting the vision to touch everyone's hearts and leave a mark in everyone's heart. Yea. That's my dream. Because of this, I argued, kick a fuss, fight or maybe said nasty things rashly...

somehow that's where the fear set in... am I putting too much into myself. Recently I was given off days and suddenly I feel fearful because when I turn around and tell myself its time to pull myself apart from work.. I feel empty. It' like all these big brothers in the company and work have been the ones who kind of get me through from a depressed kid to a seemingly confident loud and aggressive person. But seriously, without them, am I still who I'm now.. can I still function this way?

It's funny how someone cant get full force into their job and be passionate about it no matter how hard they tried.. and here I'm feeling kind of upside down because I'm too passionate about it? And be it at work or at home, I been so delicately trying to make everyone feel good and be there for them when I see there seems to be a missing gap.. but somehow.. I'm feeling a little tired. I'm not trying to make things perfect. I know there isnt such thing as perfection but what am I doing then? So carefully looking out for holes and make sure people don't drop into them and yet having myself feeling like as if I fell into it myself..